When I re-read it all those feelings come rushing back.
If you like it please feel free to copy, use, change and / or share.
My best friend changed changed the name to their child and the pronoun from he to she .. and gave it to them. (I'm not sure if she actually 'fessed up to not writing it herself ... but no matter :)
I hope you enjoy and I would love to hear your stories about "first days of school".
For Joshua and His Mother
My first-born starts school tomorrow.
The knowing looks, gentle teasing and old hand advice that follows my announcement contrives to make me one of a group ….
“First Time School Mums”.
Those that have been there, make me feel that this is a ledge they have walked on -
and others, whose children are safely on their laps, assume that I am where they will be.
Yet I'm not on a well worm path.
l know, like most of my life, those who have, 'gone before me' look back and say -
"Yes. I was there"-
But l tell you it is different.
This is my son - not yours. And the ledge he and l stand on is, on top of our mountain, made by the triumphs, and challenge of our lives, and shaped and carved by the rivers of our pains and sorrows.
So we stand here, my son and l,
our toes gripping the last remnants of the cliff face that represents his babyhood,
staring into the chasm that encompasses the ‘School Years’ ..Years'
Wanting to stay on familiar ground: No not really -
Straining to take flight into the great unknown and watch him soar.
Maybe I'll even fly along side for awhile longer -
Until the heights of other unknown lands beckoned him
where l will eventually be allowed to visit
but never really call my own.
As we stare here, my son and l
l look down into his face, the face my body created -
and see more of the baby than the boy.
MY mind wanders and l think
"What do l want to say to you ...........”
l want to tell you:
You are a special person. Your desire to know, understand and uncover the intricacy in life, and nature has kept me, spell bound and enthralled
As l have watched you grasp, evaluate and assimilate - each new tuft of information.
Thank you for allowing me into the boundless imaginative corridors of your world.
It is a pleasure and delight, to watch to grow, learn with you
And to re-visit my childhood through your eyes.
The sense of humour and fun you are developing is magical.
Your appreciation for the ridiculous (like me) and the many times we have 'connected' with a look and a smile in a way that is shared by us two - over the heads, of others,
warms my heart with the knowledge
that you are my son.
l want to tell you:
To stand tall and proud. You are worthy of all your dreams.
l know the rules and boundaries are hard for your spirit to accept.
You have pushed them, pulled them and tried to find a place where, you could squeeze through them - and often succeeded.
But, the seed is there, planted by me l like to think –
the knowledge that some rules and walls must remain for a life time -
but, others will crumble, as you develop your wings
and go searching further for new truths, knowledge, wisdom and experience,.
But as you test, your boundaries your innate kindness is there also.
That sense of justice -
A belief that there should always be rightness in the world.
There lays my biggest fear.
Son, life is not always fair and just.
Nor does the equation of right and wrong always balance the scales.
But remember -
Continue to believe that they should and as you grow –
stand for those beliefs and lead others to stake their claim.
The world needs more people like you.
Those who will continue to believe in dragons and dreams long after the others have grown
and grown tired of them.
They are the ones who allow their dragons to die
and detach themselves from their dreams that had the power to make them fly.
They do this in the name of maturity - yet know - the two are not exclusive.
You can be all grown up and still save a small part of you
for the child you once were.
Yes as we stand here my son and I
I think this is what l need to tell him..
I open my mouth on this momentous occasion and say -
Have you got your hankie
Remember to use your manners
I'm sure you'll find a friend
Oh your teacher will be nice
Don't throw your bag -you'll squash your lunch
Do you know where the toilets are
Oh okay I'll go now – Are you sure you don’t want me to stay
l'll unpack your bag
l know you can do it
Yes, yes - sure - run down to the monkey bars
Oh, Josh –
l love you –
Have a great day!
So as we stood there my son -
l let the moment, pass.
No fancy words to herald in this moment.
No solemn symbolic rite of passage.
No final tribute to the last six years.
just a squeeze
a peck
and a school boy running with his mates
As I stood there, and watched my son
l caught, a glimpse of his face,
eyes bright
and shiny -
strong arm gripping the metal as those long brown legs swung back and forth
l can hear him laugh - at some school boy joke,.
l am melancholy -
Just for a moment
l glimpsed -
more of the man than the boy.
